My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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