I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
