whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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