I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
