How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
