Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
home. puking in laundry basket.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
