Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
