In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
