well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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