YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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