My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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