When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
