i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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