Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
