i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
