Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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