Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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