Just mADE A PArabola og urine
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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