be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
