You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you never un-have a 4some
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
