Don't make out with my wife yet
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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