Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
