True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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