At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
