P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You made out with two different species that night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
