His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
