True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
