I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
