the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
