everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
