you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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