dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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