It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
