i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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