I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
