moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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