Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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