he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
