My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
