I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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