I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
