we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love you. Go after that dick
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
