Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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