All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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