There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
