JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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