I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
