i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize