if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
