His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
