If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
