you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
