Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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