she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
