K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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