THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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