No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
