i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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