i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're a waste of cheezeits
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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