I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there's paper in my vomit.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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