Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
