He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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