i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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