I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
