I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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