i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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