Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
