Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
