hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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