I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
