DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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