I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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