When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
