he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
