How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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