it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize