I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
