My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
