I'm going to jail i love you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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