so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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