i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
