is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize