i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
