She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
