I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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