Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
