I bet he comes in French.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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